


My Darling Angel

by NovaCaelum



Category: Bandom, Slipknot
Genre: M/M, anniversary of death, mentioned death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-13
Updated: 2013-06-13
Packaged: 2017-12-14 21:22:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/841536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NovaCaelum/pseuds/NovaCaelum
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Three years after Paul's death, Jim pays another visit to his grave. This time with his new boyfriend in tow.</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Darling Angel

Jim checked that he had everything he needed; he knew Mick was meeting him there, so at least he wouldn't be alone. He was still scared though, he was ready to break down _now_ , let alone what would happen when he saw that grave again. But he still went every year, he paid his respects to the first person he truly loved, and to his friend.

Even this being his third year there, he knew he'd cry, he could feel it already. And even though Jim had moved on, he sometimes wished that Paul hadn't left him. He felt like the time they had together wasn't nearly enough. Eleven years in a band with him--being _friends_...And seven of that eleven was their relationship. But it just wasn't enough for Jim.

Jim shook off his thoughts, taking a deep breath then grabbing the flowers he had bought the day before; he left the house, locking up then getting into his car, immediately setting off for Paul's grave. He had travelled to Iowa the day before, and Tony had happily put Jim up for the night, the man was visiting later with Paul's mother. It gave Jim some room, at least until Mick turned up there.

He knew he needed Mick there, or he'd be more of a mess. At first, Jim was reluctant to accept help from anybody, he spent an entire week locked up in his house, Corey had forced him out, told him to focus on Stone Sour for a while, take his mind off everything else. And Corey was right, it helped somewhat, he stayed with the singer for a while, but with Steph around, it became crowded.

So Mick had offered Jim his spare room and the taller accepted. They spent the first day catching up, then they played some songs together, playing their own tribute to Paul. He had wished the man was there, he should have been, then none of them would be upset. They then got talking, and a lot, their strong friendship really helped Jim out, his happiness was slowly coming back.

Then Stone Sour finished up their album, it was for Paul, and Jim loved every song on it; he put his entire heart into it. He stayed in Iowa for a couple of weeks after the albums release, letting himself grow closer to Mick; then tour tore him away and he went home after it finished.

Once Jim was alone in that big house, he _really_ felt it; he ended up speaking to Mick a lot over the phone. Before he knew it, Slipknot toured and the first anniversary came up. Jim stayed in Iowa on the twenty-third and the next day, he went with Mick, to Paul's grave.

Jim really appreciated how supportive Mick was, he always had cherished their friendship, it had became as strong as his and Corey's. Jim stayed for a couple of more days, keeping himself, and his mind, busy: the tour had helped a lot, and it was nice to see the others too. Mick had really helped, and Jim found himself holding onto their friendship more.

Once it was time for Jim to go, he left reluctantly, that big cold house greeting him with loneliness. Jim busied himself with writing music, did anything he could do to stop himself thinking about what could have been. The time passed quickly, more tours came and went, more time with his friends, family...And Mick.

They supported each other more, then two years hit; they had both travelled out to Paul's grave together, paid their respects. And Mick admitted something neither one of them had expected...Especially not Jim. He was shocked to know that Mick had fallen for him, and that Mick felt guilty for it. He definitely didn't hate Mick for being honest.

So Jim made a decision to stay for a while, he was close to Mick, and he felt that attraction to him, so they gave it a go. They went on dates, and just before Jim was pulled away for Stone Sour business, Mick kissed him. He never thought he would be able to feel that love again but he did and he thanked Mick.

Jim saw Mick as much as possible during the recording process, they officially became a couple and since then, they had just grew closer. Jim was more than happy...He still held love for Paul, but Mick knew that and he didn't hate it at all, he understood.

Pulling him out of his thoughts, Jim noticed the sign, he bit the inside of his lip and parked; reluctantly getting out of his car and grabbing the flowers. He wished that he had Mick with him now, he hated that the man had got called away for an emergency, but Jim knew that Mick's family was important to him.

Jim took a breath and headed into the cemetery, slowly making his way to Paul's grave; once he reached it, he almost buckled, he walked over and kneeled down, laying the flowers on top then running his hand over the inscription. It was the most honest thing he asked to be on there, Paul was loved by everyone he met, even the fans that never got the chance.

He stopped himself from running his hand over the engraving of Paul, he wasn't sure if he hated or loved the fact that it was a spitting image of the man he'd spent so long with, "I miss you," His voice cracked, he wished he never spoke, but he did it anyway, every single time, "At lot has changed in the past year. Stone Sour are getting so much bigger. Slipknot are going into the studio next year Paulie, for _you_."

Jim couldn't hold himself together any longer, he found himself sobbing, stuttered words wishing for the bassist to miraculously come back. He told Paul how much he loved him, he spoke of his love for Mick too and how he hoped that Paul was up there smiling for them.

When Mick finally arrived, he carefully walked over to Jim, kneeled beside him and pulled him into his arms, letting the older sob into his chest and let his entire heart out; he had to force his own tears down. He missed Paul too, but he knew how hard it was for Jim, to lose someone he loved; he definitely wouldn't be able to cope if he lost Jim, and he always saw how strong Jim was since the day they found out about Paul's death.

Mick always wished he could do more, but he also knew he'd never be the only person in Jim's heart; it did hurt him but he knew that Paul was Jim's first love and he'd always respect that. And, even if he wasn't here in person, Mick knew Paul had given some silent blessing for them to be together, and Mick didn't want anything else.

He gently rubbed Jim's back and slowly felt the man calming down, "Jim?"

"I miss him so much."

"I know, we all do," Mick tilted Jim's head up, "But he's still with us. He will always be in all of our hearts, yours more than anyone's. Just remember that."

"I know, I really do," Jim sighed, "I love you, but sometimes, I just wish he didn't...And I want him back."

"I do understand. To be honest, if it didn't happen, I probably wouldn't have fallen for you. I'm really grateful, and I do love you, but I miss him. We **all** wish he was still with us Jim. I know it's more for you. But then, I'm happy because I fell in love and it was so amazing, and being able to say you're mine, it's a blessing."

"Yeah...I understand. I'm glad I have you Mick. I wouldn't know what I'd do otherwise. Thank you for being here."

"Don't worry. I always will be," Mick wiped away Jim's tears then gave him a gentle kiss, "We should put the flowers in the pot."

"I know," Jim smiled softly, pressing a sweet kiss to Mick's lips before pulling away; they took the old flowers out and put the new ones in place, "Do you think he's happy for us?"

"James. I always heard the way he talked about you, he loved you and he was happy if you were. So, if you're happy now, with me. Then yes, he'll be up there, smiling just because you're happy. Don't doubt that."

Jim nodded, "You do make me happy. You're right though, he always did go out of his way to make sure I was happy, and he was happy just to see me smile. But you do the same, you try so hard and you're always making sure that I **am** happy. I appreciate that more than anything. I love you Mickael."

"And I love you James. I'll always make sure you're happy."

"Well, I'm happy just being with you."

"Good! So is there anything else you need to do here?"

"No," Jim smiled softly, "I've said everything I needed to. And I gave him the flowers. I'm done now," He gave Paul's grave one last look, he kissed three of his fingers then pressed them to the engraving of Paul, he then smiled a little more and stood up; Mick got up too, taking Jim's hands and smiling as their fingers laced together, "See ya' next year Paulie."


End file.
